Thing's We've Learnt This Year..

Snow is Evil!
"Awww isn't that lovely?" rings out throughout the land, and in theory they are correct, but in practice, as a country we simply cannot deal with those tiny 6 sided flakes of frozen water. We tend to loose all sense of balance, driving ability and go generally a bit strange. This causes car crashes, falls and lot's of completely over the top news reports about an inch of frosty white goodness.

2 isn't Always Better Than 1.
Simply, David Cameron and Nick Clegg fail.

We are Rubbish at Football.
Remember the World Cup? In the 2009-2010 Barclay's Premiership under 40% of the players were English, we are simply rubbish at sports we have invented. This extends to; Tennis (The highest ranked English men's player at the end of this year was James Ward, ranked 201st. The highest ranked female is Elena Baltacha ranked 55th, whose parents are both Ukrainian). Badminton (Highest ranked male: Rajiv Ouseph who is 14th. Highest ranked female: Elisabeth Cann who is ranked 32nd).


There are of course lots of other things, but I was far too busy enjoying myself to remember any of those.


Merry Christmas to all!

50 Things I Would Rather Do Than Watch X Factor..

Hello fair maidens and very gentle men. Today, simply, is a list of things I would rather do than watch X Factor, seems as status' on pretty much every social networking website are dominated by it whilst it is being broadcast. so here goes:

1. Shooting myself in the kneecaps.
2. Shooting myself in the face.
3. Shooting all my family members in the face.
4. Shooting all my friends in the face.
5. Shooting my girlfriend in the face.
6. Removing a limb using a blunt knife.
7. Cooking and eating said removed limb.
8. Letting myself be violated by a leading gay porn star.
9. Never wearing any form of clothing ever again.
10. Doing an anti-muslim comedy tour of Asia with extra dates in Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq and Yemen.
11. Becoming a eunuch.
12. Becoming blind.
13. Becoming deaf.
14. Becoming paralysed.
15. Becoming a mute.
16. Becoming an orphan.
17. Having a leg amputated the having a wooden peg leg.
18. Losing all of my possessions.
19. Losing all of my hair.
20. Having to become a male prostitute.
21. Having my girlfriend cheat on me.
22. Dying.
23. Getting lost in space.
24. Being in a plane crash.
25. Committing suicide.
26. Having my skin taken off.
27. Being forced to travel the world on a horse, saddleless.
28. Having to listen to a cat drowning for the rest of my life.
29. Being punched really hard in the gentleman cucumber.
30. Having to live with Piers Morgan.
31. Having to live with Kerry Katona.
32. Being Kerry Katona.
33. Being Kerry Katona's child.
34. Being Kerry Katona's mother.
35. Having sex with Kerry Katona.
36. Having to look at a Picture of Kerry Katona.
37. Living in a landfill site.
38. Sanding off my own fingers/toes.
39. Becoming the world's fattest man.
40. Having sex with the world's fattest man.
41. Becoming the world's fattest transexual.
42. Having sex with the world's fattest transexual.
43. Becoming the world's fattest woman.
44. Having sex with the world's fattest woman.
45. Living underground.
46. Being Joseph Fritzel's daughter.
47. Having to live a day in the life of everybody who watches the X Factor.
48. Licking a snail.
49. Watching paint dry.
50. Walking like an Egyptian for the rest of my life.

Well..

Here we go again eh? I am back on Blogger for now and I am going to be making the most of it with a fairly epic post.

Firstly and finally I bring you my short review of LCD Soundsystem's final ever offering "This Is It". Firstly I would like to discuss the bad points of the album, starting with "Drunk Girls" personally I feel this is a repetitive mess that just completely doesn't fit with the rest of the album. However, James Murphy himself has claimed this track to be ironic to a certain extent so I suppose this one time I can left him off. The only other criticism I have of this album is that it is indeed the final ever collection of tracks to be released by LCD Soundsystem, I know Mr. Murphy and Co. are getting on a bit now (he's 40ish) and they have been doing stuff for quite a while but I still feel they could quite easily bring out another superb album.

Now to the good things. Firstly, the way every song with the exception of "Drunk Girls", builds amazingly well from a basic and melodic intro into an actual masterpiece, a masterpiece where James' voice and the music just seem to fit together so perfectly, it's like an elaborate 3-D jigsaw puzzle for the ears. Particular highlights for me include "Pow Pow" which has a faint familiarity to it due to it's similar feel to "Beat Connection" (without the 4 minute intro!). It also contains a wonderful noise in the background that sounds like an ice cream van that sort of takes you by surprise when it appears and then before you know it it has disappeared and the silky smooth "Pow"s are back at the forefront of your conciousness. "Dance Yrself Clean" is the first track off of the record and personally my favourite, mainly for the sheer genius that occurs after the traditional slow LCD Soundsystem intros that we have all become familiar with, this particular genius occurs after 3 minutes and 6 seconds. The melody just takes the listener completely by surprise and encapsulates that magnificent ability of LCDSS to completely transform a track instantaneously.

Overall I just have one sentence to say: What a wonderful way to end a fantastic era, sensational and inspirational, as always.

So how is everybody's summer going so far? I have to say mine has been simply fantastic, I do have truly wonderful friends and I feel very privileged. Yesterday for example I went out at 11 o'clock in the morning with a bag filled with 5 cans of Strongbow, a can of Red Bull and little Korg Kaosillator synth. I ended up in Liverpool for 5 hours drinking cocktails at Las Iguanas in Liverpool One. Also what I have no doubt is about to enhance my summer greatly is my holiday to Rhodes in 15 days, booked just the other day. It will be nice to lie on a sun bed and read a few books for a week. Oh, and get extremely drunk probably. Hopefully I shall still be able to post a few things on here whilst there.

Not many people know this about me but I have a craving for egg, we have no eggs.

Once..

Again, as I now seem to start all posts, I apologise for the recent lack of reading material for you all to ponder over.

I am actually in a really really exceptionally good mood today. Everything seems to be picking up for a change, things are going right, the Sun is shining and I have captured a pretty lady.

I also have many other exciting things, like it is my 18th birthday in 47 days and I finish school in 43 days. I believe this is what they call "the final push" in wars and stuff, I just hope I can live up to expectations eh?

Not many people know this but Steph is pretty.

Hola..

Everybody, how are you all this fine Thursday?

I'm fine before you ask by the way. Straight into a crazy story today no fucking around.

Isn't it sometimes just really awesomely nice just to have a conversation with a person that you wouldn't really expect to speak to you? I think everybody should start asking people how they are, the world would be a much nicer place, and a lot less would get done. However there wouldn't be those strange humans who have no people skills at all, because they'd have to talk to people.

I haven't really got much else to say in fairness, have a nice evening though.

Not many people know this so keep it on the down-low, I sometimes just buy a jar of apricot jam, sit there, and gorge myself on it's sugary goodness.

Isn't..

That a pretty picture.

Unlike my life at the moment, which can be pleasantly described as chaotic and unpleasantly as a fucking lunatic asylum on wheels. I'm in the middle of exam revision, festival set preparation, trying to sell a house and sorting out a bbq. I'd say they are all going pretty much shockingly bad.I'm still waiting for my amazing new HTC Desire and all, it should be here by the end of the week...apparently.

I have recently noticed people becoming more and more stressed, I am unsure as to why though, however I do have a small theory. I think it may be partly down to exam stress I'm hoping, and partly probably down to me being a bit of a penis. For which I do apologise, I just have not been having the best of times recently, I cannot be happy all time time.

Not many people know that I like to party, softly.

Today..

I'd like to talk about Vampire Weekend's album, in some circles I believe it is called Contra.

Firstly, I''d like to say fair play to the lads from NYC I think they have shown good progress from their first EP. That's usually all I ask for when listening to anybody's second album, it shows they have a fair bit of talent and they want to get better, rather than just sit on their arses milking the fame.

Sadly, another album released in the springtime with some strange winterness going on "In December drinking horchata.." is the first line. The good news is it simply just gets better from that point onwards. Of course the first (Counsins) and second (Giving Up The Gun) singles taken from this album are highlights. They are just so upbeat and feel quite fresh, even after listening to them for a few times. Also Cousins happens to have a fairly awesome tempo to it.

This album is just great to listen to on a sunny day, with a nice refreshing (alcoholic) beverage to hand, a few friends and the satisfying smell of BBQ. In this situation you can sort of fade in and out of listening to it and just catch wonderful little snippets of lyrics such as "Dad was a risk taker, his was a shoe maker, you, greatest hits 2006 little list maker.".

My only real criticism of this fine selection of vibrations is it sort of peters out towards the end, the last couple of songs (Dimplomat's Son and I Think You're A Contra) are a bit slow and downbeat. Some people will probably say that it crates good balance within the album, but who wants balance these days? When I think of Vampire Weekend I think of awesome summer days with my mates, that's the type of song they do best. However I do admire them for adding a new string to their bow, I just hope their next offering isn't overshadowed by those type of tracks. 

So..

Today I would like to review something, but to be honest, I haven't heard anything worth reviewing these past couple of weeks.

So I shall tell you about my exciting and diverse day. First of all I have super hot new glasses that apparently make me look like Joe 90, but I'm unsure if that is a good or bad thing. As unfortunately I probably wasn't even a sperm when Joe 90 was kicking off and hanging loose.

It's interesting to see how many people can be really nice, when they want to be. Which coincidently is when they want something from you, which I don't really mind too much because I think it's something we are all guilty of doing from time to time. I guess it's in our genes or something.

Sometimes I like to party like it's 2008, it was a far better year than '99.

Now..

That's what's happenin'.

When I woke up to today I was in an excellent mood, especially for a Monday morning, it's just a shame the weather didn't share my mood. However as the day advanced the weather decided to come round to my way of seeing things.

A few things to look forward to, new glasses tomorrow and hopefully a shiny new HTC Desire sometime this week, or whenever O2 decide to get their arses in gear and release it. Also a party at mine on 8th of May, it'll be a sort of BBQ thing, people can stay the night if they want. Fun times.

I miss articulate people, it's more exciting when you have to actually think about what people say and then respond, rather than just responding using your instincts.

I enjoy dancing like an Egyptian. 

So..

It seems that summer has entered the party, and if it isn't it is certainly just walking up the drive. We all know that summer means lazy days, intriguing encounters and interesting nights.

A person who usually takes some preference on my summer soundtrack is Miss Laura Marling. She often encompasses the summer with her peaceful melodies and voice that is as smooth and some freshly veet-ed legs. However to my surprise her new album is different, it's more grown up, and surprisingly even more serious that Miss Marling's usual offerings. Her sound has become more folky with this new album, it does definitely bring something new and interesting compared to the previous album.

Personally I feel there is always a slightly depressed tinge to Laura's lyrics which means you have to be super happy when you are listening, otherwise you just become sad, which nobody wants in summer. I think this album should have been postponed to later on in the year, it has recurring themes of winter, which once again nobody wants in summer.

I think if you are going to listen to any Laura Marling this summer it should be "Alas I Cannot Swim" rather than this current offering. Don't get me wrong it's an awesome album, it has an intensity to it that you sense from the very first track and for that reason alone you should buy it, never mind the usual witty and sometimes cutting lyrics. Buy it and save it, keep it wrapped up and don't even listen to it until October, then you'll be able to appreciate it thoroughly.

For right now, stick with the old stuff.

Well..

So much for getting things off your chest on a blog. The trouble is, people read them, this means you can't be bitchy about anybody, sort of defeating the object of having a blog. 

Musically, I need to be better, I know I can be better, that's the frustrating thing. This weekend I'm going to nail a DJ set to conquer all DJ sets. Trouble is so close to exams (just 5 weeks until my first!!!) finding time to sit down and properly sort out a DJ set. They usually take a couple of weeks, never mind the odd hour here and there. 

On to brighter news, the weather has been pretty decent and it is Friday tomorrow, which is never a bad thing. Back to the bad news, my phone screen isn't playing a nice game with me and keeps not working. Back to good news, my new hair cut is looking not half bad, it has been the centre of all school news all week, hopefully it'll have died down tomorrow.

Now for an exclusive, I can now reveal my new music project will be called Shiny Teeth. Stay tuned for more updates.

I often sit down in a small room and meditate, then cry myself to sleep to dream of rainbows and unicorns and princesses.

Another..

Week begins, and another closer we are to exams. Oh and another week closer to me becoming 18.

I know some people have bad days sometimes and sometimes people aren't in the best of moods, but I don't see any need to be rude. People may think my feelings never get hurt but sadly they are mistaken. Some things really get to me, for reasons that I'm unaware of. I think it gets to me when it's somebody who I think is nice and therefore I wouldn't necessarily expect it from them. I also guess it comes down to who's opinion I value as well. I guess it proves just how few real friends I actually have.

Anyway fuck it being depressed is shit.

I often enjoy being told to "Fuck off".

I Wonder..

What hideous crime I have committed. Oh...hang on a minute...yeah that's right, I haven't committed any crime (apart from all those people I killed). Yet somehow I now find myself going to some sort of temporary prison instead of a school. That's right we are now no longer allowed to leave the premises during the school day, and to reinforce that point? You guessed, a big massive black gate. Personally I feel this stinks of one of those situations where the people who make up these "rules" (which probably breach some sort of human rights) have no idea about the actual situation and they don't realise that some of these "rules" simply will not work. Of course they will discover this in a couple of weeks time, but until then we are stuck having to deal with the utterly ridiculous consequences. I am also fully aware that the measures taken are for our safety, but they fail to see how it will effect both staff and 6th form.

On a lighter note, I think my top secret new musical project is taking shape nicely, a few more finishing touches then I can perform a big unveil with a big pair of novelty scissors and some red ribbon, who knows I may even smash a champagne bottle.

Sometimes I lick inanimate objects.

Everybody..

Has now been back at school for a couple of days. Personally I forgot just how tiring it is, but this is the final push as it were. My last term of school ever, hopefully. I want my exams to be out of the way so I can focus my energy on enjoying myself all summer.

In fairness there isn't much to report about the first few days back at school, nothing of any note has happened. I've been working surprisingly hard and therefore not managed to be focussed on any tom-foolery. A discussion I was having before however alerted me to something that would be nice if it did happen. If I could get a girlfriend for the summer, obviously nothing super serious as I'll be going to university soon hopefully. However it would be nice to be able to spend time with somebody over summer and do exciting things with. We shall see how it plays out shall we?

On a lighter note, the past few days I have been working on the backbone of my new summer DJ set. I have only managed to compile an intro but I think it sounds pretty slick, hopefully I will be able to carry that on all the way through it. Once again, we shall see how it plays out shall we?

I like to cover myself in chocolate body paint, roll around in rice krispies, then go and sit on the shelf in Asda where the rice krispie squares are, wait for somebody to mistake me for a tasty snack then stroke their face and run to safety.

How..

Strange are things/people/situations I find myself in these days.

It has once again been a weird few days. Last night was fun though, the first time I've had chance to have a drink with McCabe and Lauren for a while. I ended up hurting my head on Lauren's car window though. 

I'm in a happy mood and I will now talk about some crap that probably doesn't make sense to me let alone anybody who is bothering to read this dross. I am excited, surprisingly, to go back to school. Let's do this exam shit. I just want them all out of the way now, then I can get to the good bit of life. The living bit. I've booked my tattoo for my birthday, which will hurt, but it'll be worth it. Friends are fun.

Many people don't know that I am the world's 14th best comedian, I'm just extremely shy.

Hey..

What's new?

 Pretty much nothing is the answer to that question. I've finally finished sorting out my I.T work, all 50 questionnaire results in a pretty spreadsheet. I seem to have an abundance of hair these days, I need a shave and a haircut. Might make me look a bit less of some crazy yeti, although...This is a hairless "yeti".

I have another little facebook based treat for you all, this happened the other day at a strange hour of the night:
(Written upon Joe Pearce's wall)

Andy Hayward a guy dressed up as the back half of a horse touched me last night..i didnt know whether to laugh or cry..so i ejaculated :(

(Tom Cross likes this)

Joe Pearce: hahahaha sounds about right that

Andy Hayward: megan was shocked to say the least haha

JP: hahaha you mean "covered"

AH: i unleashed my inner self haha

JP: hahaha in liquified form ?

AH: i think shes pregnant now, on a lighter note i tried to wee while standing in some thorns and by some barbed wire, lucky to survive..

JP: hahaha i doubt it i read a story before about this humble virgin i say story i mean more of a rant... enough said haha

AH: ohhh didn't she get licked out on the last day of leeds? having not washed her vajayjay the entireeee time she was located at the festival, she would have had more bacteria down there than there is fucking limescale on a tap in a cillit BANG advert

JP: hahaha poor it wasnt that but it might aswell have been to be honest haha but believe me its worse than barry scott if that is his real name ?

AH: i bet he goes "BANG" when he cums.

JP: haha either that or "spiderman" haha

Seems we are off school, and I'm at my Dad's house therefore I have no life, I shall now turn to the other focus of this so called "blog", music of course. If you don't believe me it says so in the subtitle. Anyway, firstly to a track I heard a few weeks back originally, but it is awesome none the less, it is Foals - This Orient. Secondly I would like to talk about NightWaves - Sweet Carrie, it is everything that is summer, and summer is everything which this song is. 

Many people don't know this, but I often order a pizza, wait for it to go cold, liquefy it, then use it to shave my legs.

Brilliant..

Yes, I realise this is the second post of the day but I do not care.

People are brilliant, I notice this all the time. However, I don't think many other people do. Most people only realise a person is truly brilliant when they die. Unfortunately, people can also be right idiots, and often make conclusions that simply aren't fact. 

Few know that I often bathe in gravy because, of course, northern boys love gravy.

REAL FRIENDS RULE!

Hilarity personified..

Facebook status number 1:

Andy Hayward isn't it hiiilarious when people become fans of things they have clearly never experienced? pa..ha..ha.haha

Facebook status number 2:

Joe Pearce i agreee with you hahaha

(Andy Hayward likes this)

The resulting comments on status number 2:

AH: LOL

JP: "are you comin up mate"

AH: is that a proposition?

JP: haha why not its all swings and roundabouts in this gamee

AH: in for a penny in for a pound ;)

JP: hahaha why not i wonder on a scale of 1-13.7 with -4 being the highest how many people if any know what the fuck were on about ?

AH: 7% of all people surveyed didnt know who we were never mind what we were talking about.

14 hours ago · 

JP: inoo haha the other 93% were just made up or ant an dec robbed them or something 

AH: haha you touch kids :P

JP: somebody has too haha<< i think i took that a bit far

AH: some of the kids say you did, i say you didnt go far enough with me :(

JP: hahaha i just couldnt reach that far OK.. get over it :P

AH: i'll get tom "the one stroke wonder" holmes in ;)

JP: hahahaha tom " the elephants trunk" Holmess you whill go on my first whissstllleee 

AH: haha tom "i contain a river of sperm in my ball bags" holmesssssss...heavyyyyyyyweight champion of the worrrrrrrrlddddddd

JP: hahaha hes gonna recreate the BIG BANG one day

AH: hes got a hayemaker and a half ;) TRUST ME..ive seen it haha

JP: hahaha tom is a bit like david haye but hes gone 17 years instead of 6 week if you remember what i mean haha

AH: haha yes i do, one hump then "AAAAAARRRGHHHHH" haha he is also like david haye in the fact that he has the exact same muscular structure :)

JP: hahaha tom would love to be david haye hed finally get a belt that fits :O < i think i went to far again haha

AH: tom doesnt wear a belt because it stops the flow when hes making foreplay, belts are always tricky to get off, especially when the poor boy toms making do it has his hands tied, and a blindfold on :P

JP: hahaha i forgot bout toms heavy flow.... hes moral is its just popped up to see you now its going in to meet you :P

AH: eye to eye :P

That my friends, is how it's done.

Fuck it..

Two words that have been around for many a lifetime, and I am sure they will be around for many more. They make people do things, not always necessarily good things, but none the less that phrase generally stops people from doing nothing. A lot of the time I think bad things can be prevented from happening by people doing something, doing nothing doesn’t help anybody.

The past couple of days have been particularly eventful, that is probably why I haven’t posted much. I have a feeling the next few days will be just as eventful. Last night was pretty fun, I didn’t go out until half past twelve and didn’t get in until four. Speaking of which “Did you go to bed about twenty to four last night?”, is what I have just been asked this second by my mother. She has no idea. I would also like to say a thank you to Alan Titchmarsh for his work in making this morning nice and relaxing. 

Out again tonight, it should be fun, drinking with some friends at Sam’s 18th. This will probably be the first time I’ve properly had a drink with all of them. 

Little do many know that I often shower fully clothed, washing myself and my clothes at the same time, saving water, energy and time.

It's..

Never what you do, it's always what you don't do, that makes you a good or bad person. I guess that makes me a bad person.

Some crazy woman is coming round to take pictures of the house today, looks like it is actually going up for sale. Semi homelessness awaits for me, and I am just thrilled. On to lighter matters, I don't mind at all if somebody tells me they don't what to do something, that's fair enough. What really pisses me off is if somebody says they are going to do something then they proceed not to do it. Personally I think that's just bad mannered. 

Fuck it? Fuck it.

Sorry..

Once again I haven't posted for a few days, I imagine you will all start getting withdrawal symptoms if I don't do this today.

Were going straight into the issue today. To be brutally honest at the moment I am a frustrated boyman. We as human beings pretty much still have the whole "I need to find the best mate" mentality, this means a lot of our behaviour is manipulated to do this. The way we dress, act, do our hair, all the exercise we do, everything. So if you don't find anybody that you have that strange spark thing going on with then you tend to get a bit subconsciously depressed. Which probably leads to all sorts of mental issues. I'm probably at the subconsciously depressed stage, which means my mind is pretty much now constantly screaming "FIT IN!", but firstly, I don't see how that will help me find that sparky thing and secondly, who wants to fit in? I'd much rather be a square running at triangular shaped holes and leaving a big square hole in my wake. This inevitably leads to other people trying to be squares when the notice the hole you've left. I have mixed feelings about that though, it annoys me that people have to copy but I also feel flattered, not that I get copied of course. 

I want to write something else but alas I feel it will offend pretty much all of you so I'll leave it out. Wouldn't want to lose any of the few friends I have.

Several people might know that I once managed to dislocate my thumb in a restaurant and then proceeded to use my pint to make sure it didn't swell up. 

Well..

It's finally 1 day until we break up for a few weeks. Even though it'll involve loads of work it means I don't have to get up early, and I guess I can have a few days off right?

today I've continued to pile on the music work and discovered Ableton is a bitch to DJ with, but alas I shall persevere and hope it works out well. If not I shall have to revert back to the old ways. If you so called regular readers haven't noticed I am trying to give this blog a bit of actual content rather than just my semi drunkard ramblings concerning the days events. Don't worry I'm fully aware this will interest none of you at all, but don't worry you'll still get your ramblings.

In fairness today was a fairly normal day, although my penis wasn't mentioned apart from me telling my form teacher that mine didn't look like a picture she was holding of a penis with some sort of sexually transmitted illness. My biceps were also spoken about by various sexually frustrated persons in I.T. Roll on tomorrow that's what I say.

Only a chosen few know this but...When I was a small child I was raised by elves, who are surprisingly good at sex, I of course was too young to even comprehend this and therefore learned nothing of their ways, sorry guys.

Hey..

Sorry guys, been a bit engrossed in my music work over the past couple of days.

Today I was both shocked and horrified to uncover a plot to humiliate me. I believe the plan was to stick a sanitary towel with the words "I've got the clap" or something of that effect, onto my back. Fortunately I foiled this plan and managed to run away before the plan had time to happen. 

Do you know one of the things I like most about making music? You never ever stop learning new things, you are always finding out new ways of doing things that either improve your sound or allow you to achieve the same results in a less complicated way. It is also always different, every time I do some music work something different always happens. It's an amazing feeling when something goes how you hear it in your head. 

Unknown to many is the fact that I have a pet woodlouse called Eric.

Well..

There's a few interesting days for you.

Friday was pretty awesome, starting with the Wirral One Hundred, having a lovely conversation with; McCabe, Lauren, Blair, Nat, Scarlett and Greg sort of. Then on the way to Hayley's party Lauren managed to get us lost, which was clearly all part of the fun. Then while at the party various wonderful and interesting things happened, including gaining a pound from a condom machine thanks to McCabe. I also had a very interesting conversation with Linzi and Lucie. Then spent a whole hour walking home. That's pretty much a very brief summary.

Yesturday was pretty fun as well.

Now I'd like to bore you all and talk about something that I should have spoke about like 2 weeks ago. It is the sad fact that Chester City F.C doesn't exist anymore, I suppose it is a bit of a sore point that's why I haven't spoke about it. I guess I'm waiting for the "FC United" effect to kick in and a super new club to appear. 

There's a small woman in Tibet who is exactly 67 and she knows how to make perfect outfits for me, including underwear.

Well..

I can't promise the dizzying social heights of yesturdays blog, which was widely spoken of today. However I can promise one free kiss for all readers (if I get shown proof of you actually reading this blog.)

Today, seems it's that most joyous of days that is St. Patrick's Day I would like to discuss Irish people. I've only ever been to Ireland once, Dublin more specifically, and to be honest the people remind me a lot of people from Liverpool, I know this is probably due to the fact there are a lot of Irish people in Liverpool. However you can just sense there is just something which is just more positive and welcoming when ever you are there, which is a very nice feeling to have when you are wondering around a place.

I have only ever actually had a proper conversation with one Irish person, Emily her name was, and the conversation took place in Majorca if I recall correctly. The only 2 things I really remember about her are that she had an orange ribbon in her dark brown hair and she had the most memorising big brown eyes. Oh and not forgetting the awesome Irish accent.

Not many people know that practice kissing on Heidi my cat.

The..

Past few days have been fun, as usual.

While all the excitement of SXSW is going on I'm stuck in the dreary depths of Ellesmere Port, Queensferry and the adjoining roads. However I can't complain as nothing is really wrong at all, apart from one thing that has been gnawing away at me for some time now. I feel I could do with a girlfriend. I don't really know why though, I guess I just want somebody to hang out with and have fun with, but there aren't too many people with which you can do that with these days. Of course they have to be pretty much perfect in every way, and there is even less of those people around.

I actually love women, all of them, they rev my engine. Some are quite literally amazingly attractive, I find myself just lured towards them, like I'm a big lump of Steel being seduced by a big sexy magnet. I can't help myself, without the female form I shall be nothing, it inspires all my work, past, present and future. Sure you can have your money, 60 inch flat screen TVs, big mansions and executive saloons, and you can keep them, I would be more than happy with the love of a good (and amazingly beautiful) woman and music. All the other things are just bonuses.

It's a little known fact that I have an evil American twin called Bob.

Well..

Isn't that good news on this fine Mother's Day Eve, my Grandad is finally out of hospital, which is awesome, he greeted me with the usual "Still doing the barbers out of business?". Awesome.

Isn't it weird how us humans, well the smart ones, can learn from other people's experiences and allow them to put their own experiences into perspective. I think this is a very good skill for any person to have, it's a sign, to me anyways, that somebody is very emotionally aware. I like emotionally aware people, they know how to sense the mood of a person or room. They also know when to leave you alone or when they need to say something to cheer you up. 

There was once an antique spoon called Mr. Terry Dominquez, he used to be constantly annoyed because all of his brothers and sisters had been melted down to be turned into the crown jewels. He was extremely jealous because they all now got loads of attention and he was just kept in a drawer in Buckingham Palace, lost and forgotten. Then one day he was discovered by a little old lady, she took him in, took care of him, polished him and everything. Terry was still annoyed however. Then one day he was all rapped up in his favourite denim jacket and he and the little old lady went for a drive. Soon after they were in a large hall and Terry was staring up at a mahogany faced man, the one, the only David Dickinson! Then terry spotted the camera, this was his time to shine! He was truly happy. He got sold for £50 at auction, he didn't feel this was enough so he turned savage, spooning everybody in that auction room to death, including the little old lady and Dickinson. He is now the most famous spoon in the world, kept bound and gagged in the Tower of London, right next to his brothers and sisters.

I like to cover myself in lime green paint then writhe around on a canvas and sell it as "art"

FORWARDS! 

How..

Annoying are some things, some people seem to put pretty much no effort or thought into life what so ever, and they still end up getting exactly what they want. Where as us people who actually try such as myself get all the rubbish stuff. We don't get the jobs we want, or get on the courses we want to do or get the person we want to be with. The way of the world doesn't make sense in any way.

Finding it a bit hard to stick by my "If you want to do something then do it." motto recently, it's turned into more of a "Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge." as the Grandmaster of Flash would say.

I shall leave with a literary reference.."Fuck it? Fuck it." That is all.

Isn't..

It really annoying when you try really hard at something and not only don't you get a "well done" you still end up rubbish at the thing you've tried really hard at?

Life sucks sometimes.

Well..

I'm back in the game. 

Today I realised how sometimes I can be pretty good at stuff. I am more than aware that to the majority of you this just sounds like Andy being big headed, but you know what, everybody is awesome in my opinion, so why can't I be a bit awesome some of the time? Don't get me wrong people can be right bellends sometimes, and that's why I choose my friends and just ignore the opinions of people who I know haven't really ever thought about any decision or opinion they have. I think, as far as I can make out they just recycle opinions or thoughts other idiots have just thought out loud.

I would like to go to university now please. I need to make some music my bitch! I like to make music that's intense, just how I like my DJ sets to be. I think it's really awesome to get a really deep bass and build it from there, so what if it blows a speaker or two and makes everything vibrate. Doesn't half get people going, and me for that matter, I love it!

It's a little known fact that I often eat rose petals in the night times.

Keep on rockin' it!

Wow..

Isn't it interesting when you make decisions that even surprise yourself. Afterwards you always think, why the hell did I decide that. Sometimes however, very rarely, those decisions turn out to be good ones instead of bad ones. I think if more people managed to trust their own judgement those good surprises would happen more often.

I've been having thoughts that are edging towards negative recently, which isn't good. I have positive thoughts all the time about everything. I don't like being in my own company when my mind is being negative, I need to be around people doing things, anything so I don't have to endure my mind telling me a load of rubbish. People however have refused to come out with me during the times when I've needed this company, I think now the negative is starting to build up, I need to get it out of my system.

On a lighter note, in my spare time I enjoy racing small and furry woodland creatures, we are just starting a new season and to be honest badgers are looking like coasting to victory, squirrels however have a new aerodynamic package coming in a few weeks so who knows.

Keep on plodding.

..

It's funny how we prioritise,

When nothing really matters.

The universe doesn't care,

Whatever the colour of your bloody hair,

The universe doesn't care,

Which shoes you decide to wear.

It'll carry on regardless,

However you want to dress,

It'll still spin and grow, engulf and create,

No matter how much you masturbate.

I'M HERE ALL WEEK!

Do..

You know what the best feeling in the world is? Me either. However I do recall a pretty good feeling. Do you know when you are at that stage of being drunk where everything is just awesome, like where you can't look at yourself in the mirror without smiling? Everything is just sort of better, everything has sort of a fuzzy tinge to it.

On a completely unrelated topic. Do you know what day I enjoy the most out of all the days in the year? That first day of the year where it's warm, like warm enough to actually sunbathe, warm enough to just sit there and be happy. Be happy in the peace and quiet and warmth. Usually it has to be a day where I'm not in school for me to be able to truly appreciate it. I find there is a strange hum in the air when it is above 20 degrees in finest England (or Wales) it makes folk more relaxed and happy.

On another unrelated topic. I attended Chester University (Warrington Campus) today, seems I'll be going there in September (hopefully) I thought I best give it a once over. It was OK I suppose, a bit shit, but I'm hoping the people will make it awesome. A great man once wrote a poem about a road through some woods. I like to think it was a metaphor for a road through life. I think it's a fair point that everybody has to do their own thing, and they shouldn't change their thing just because somebody else does something differently. Only trouble is, last line of the poem is "But there is no road through the woods." Fuck.

OMFGZZZZ I HEART BOOBS BOXERS FTW!!

fml.

A..

Great man once defined becoming a man as; when everybody else is being a bellend, doing the opposite and not caring what they think. Loose everything and not bitch about it to everybody in sight. Don't lie about or hate anybody and being able to run for an entire minute. Doing all those things however would also make you king of the Earth and we all know that position doesn't exist therefore, in conclusion, real men no longer exist.

Today was quite weird, as all my days are. It started off with the newly formed spectator sport of watching my mum scrape ice off the car windows. I have also realised my penis is pretty much the most talked about penis possibly in the world. Ever. It must come up in conversation at least 3 times everyday. I shall not complain however because me and him pretty much love all the attention. I need a haircut, it's getting shocking now.

I don't get why some people that I have never really spoken a word to in my life have already decided that they don't like me at all. To be honest I don't really mind people not liking me that's understandable, but don't dislike me when you don't even know me, that's just not fucking cool. 

I visited a postcard factory the other day. It was alright. Nothing to write home about.

Back to another day in fucking paradise.

What..

Would you write about if you didn't really have anything to say? No idea? Me either.

So I guess I'll just keep typing and hope something mildly interesting end up on the screen, if this doesn't happen however I do apologise. Today has been like some long hard battle all day, and I have no real idea why. I could do with a stiff drink, or some form of drug. 

CEEB!

I..

am at a lost end as to what to write about today, but I will soldier on none the less and still manage to produce a couple of hundred words about pretty much nothing at all.

I am fully aware I pretty much never ever ever make a point, and I don't ever intend to make a truly serious point. If you know me at all you'll know it's completely not my character to be serious, or make a point for that matter. Which I think is one of the better points to my character at times, it allows me to diffuse situations quite easily. 

Anyway onto more important things such as summer. Everybody seems to be really up for this summer and I'm unsure as to why, probably because it'll be the first summer where everybody is 18 or about to be 18. This should equate to one big super party, but I know for a fact it won't play out that way at all. For a start nobody will probably have any money, I certainly know I won't even though I've started saving already. The people that will have money however will be in work all the time, this means they won't be able to go out either. 

In fairness I am excited about a few things I suppose. My birthday of course, which I shall do everything in my power to make absolutely amazing. It is on a Monday which I suppose allows me to warm up all week then go out on the following Friday and Saturday and "Crank it up to the gigawatt's". Hopefully on the Monday I shall have my tattoo done as well, it will be the first initials of all of my family members; Nans, Grandads, Mum, Dad, Martin and Grace and Lily. 

I am also excited about going to university I guess. I can't wait to be free of both Ellesmere Port and it's little bastard inhabitants. The lower years in school now have become beyond a joke. I know university won't be much of a step up as I'm only going to Warrington, but it has to be better than Ellesmere Port right? Also it means I'll be doing something that, to be honest, I actually love doing. I love manipulating other people's music, and making my own of course. I am really excited about being able to better myself musically, and learning more about how music effects people's moods and society.

I hope that leaning all these new skills will allow me to get better at the sole activity I enjoy most in life, DJ-ing. I feel like a different person when I've got the headphones on and I'm in the booth. Nothing is important for that hour or hour and a half, it becomes just about me, the music and people having a good time. I try my hardest to make sure everybody has a good time every time I do a set and that's why it really does hurt me if people say it isn't very good. People really do not appreciate the amount of work it takes to put a DJ set together, as far as they are aware I press play then stand there looking pretty. That couldn't be further from the truth.

If you didn't know my left foot is bigger than my right foot. 

Onwards!

Isn't..

The world a funny place.

Today I learnt that the smallest, most insignificant things can make me happy. I don't even know how the action in question made me happy, but it certainly put a smile on my face. I think people often take those minute feelings of happiness for granted, they allow them to pass by without even noticing them half the time. People tend to allow them to be overshadowed by all the complete and utter rubbish that goes on.

Oh I dance to "I'm Like A Bird" by Nelly Furtado at least once a day, EVERY DAY!

Isn't it a really good feeling when things just work?

Ignorance..

In most cases is bliss.

It's a Sunday, which means nobody is really doing anything of any real true importance. I'm slaving away over my music and most other people are watching the football as far as I can tell. Which is what I'd be doing if Grace, Lily and Sam weren't downstairs being mildly annoying and not allowing me to just enjoy a game of football in piece. I learnt long ago that I could never watch anything on television with those 3 in the same room as me, it just doesn't work. The annoying thing is they are staying for tea, without really asking if they could stay for tea, times like this make me enjoy living at Dad's house even more. 

Anyway, on to some good news, Dad has agreed to pay for my tattoo for my birthday, bad news is that means I have to go to Liverpool some time in the near future to book it if I want to go on my birthday. After all its only a mere 4 months away. Unfortunately I don't know what I want my Mum to get me for it yet. Any suggestions are welcome, I was thinking some shiny new headphones, after all one can never have too many pairs of headphones.

I let my cat lick golden syrup off my feet because it tickles.

Sometimes don't you just want to be somewhere else, somewhere else other than here.

Alright..

Shag.

Isn't it funny how many nice people you've met and known that you never really think about, until you see them of course and then you are reminded of their sincereness and enthusiasm. I wonder if they ever think about me, probably not but as they are sincere I wouldn't be too surprised if somebody told me they did. I'd love to have the enthusiasm that one acquires when living outside of Ellesmere Port.

I'm unsure as to how Ellesmere Port manages to do it but it just seems to absorb all enthusiasm and desire to make something of yourself. It therefore takes very special people to manage to escape the monotonous world that is Ellesmere Port and make a bid for freedom and university. I therefore would like to tip my cap to all the people I know that will hopefully be starting university in September/October. I appreciate how hard it is to escape as I am trying to do so myself, and I know for a fact most of you share the same view as me that you would literally give a limb to get out of this place. 

Don't get me wrong I'm not slagging people off who are happy to stay in Ellesmere Port, in fact I admire you, I admire how you can be settled in one place. I myself feel slightly uneasy if I have to stay in a particular place for too long, I have to go somewhere, do something. I also admire how you fit in to a place so well. I don't think I've ever really felt like I've truly fitted into a place, and in fairness I've been to a lot of places. I just hope one day I can find a place that doesn't drain the life and soul out of people, and where I just seem to fit. 

Hope I've shone a little ray of hope into an otherwise dreary and dull, grey world that is "El Porto".

In my spare time I like to race various animals.

Back..

To the world of perfecting pioneering discotheque technology to provide a wonderful and unique performance that not only engages the ears but also the other senses. This is what I attempt to create every time I strap on my headphones and saddle up my laptop. This usually means me getting into a state of extreme focus where I not only hear the music but also feel like I'm lost within it like a blind vole tumbling haphazardly down a well.

I own a pair of thong Speedos.

That is all.

Well..

How about that then. I'll start at the beginning and the events of yesterday. We ended up not going to the united game, due to unforseen circumstances that we shall not go into at this precise moment in time. Anyways due to this I ended up just going the pub which was really quite a nice event, I had a steak, bit fatty but ahh well.

Anyway, onto today and it's events, first of all I have to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOE! I have also tried to change my behaviour today, I'm giving the whole "being nice" thing a go, well I'm certainly making an attempt at being nicer to people, my friends anyway. I think it's going OK but I could definately do better. I am a changed man.

Also today my Mum's house has been valued today, which means the move seems to be on the cards. Back to Elton my; Mum, Brother, Brother's Girlfriend and their 2 children go eventually. I think it will be good for the kids, I mean I went to "Elton County Primary School" and look at me, I turned out to be a well rounded human being...kind of...a bit.

I dance around my house in a shiny leotard.

Well..

How interesting and a wonderful world we live in these worldly days, hours, minutes and seconds. Also the square root of 346 is 18.60, you never know when things tend to come in useful. I, as you can probably tell, am in a wonderful mood, for which I have no reason at all as a matter of fact.

Yesterday I learnt that my Dad of all people is a huge Pixie Lott fan, he has her album and everything. And his reasons I hear you cry he claims "She's brilliant, and she seems filthy." which in fairness I agree with but she however cannot sing for all the precious metals and stones combined in some wonderful and glorious piece of jewellery.

Back to the monotonous long hard slog that is school tomorrow, where there are only brief and insignificant victories that are quickly forgotten, to brighten everybody's day for the smallest of moments. Alas, life is what you make it, and I intend to make it a diverse, wonderful and magical place, this sometimes may be achieved by illegal means such as drugs and under-age drinking. It may however be achieved by more simple means such as good friends, good in-jokes and pleasures of the flesh (female of course).

I'm also going to the Man United Vs West Ham game tomorrow, even though I support neither. However I am going because of young Mr. Joseph's birthday which is on Wednesday.

Onwards!!

Well..

How interesting and a wonderful world we live in these worldly days, hours, minutes and seconds. Also the square root of 346 is 18.60, you never know when things tend to come in useful. I, as you can probably tell, am in a wonderful mood, for which I have no reason at all as a matter of fact.

Yesterday I learnt that my Dad of all people is a huge Pixie Lott fan, he has her album and everything. And his reasons I hear you cry he claims "She's brilliant, and she seems filthy." which in fairness I agree with but she however cannot sing for all the precious metals and stones combined in some wonderful and glorious piece of jewellery.

Back to the monotonous long hard slog that is school tomorrow, where there are only brief and insignificant victories that are quickly forgotten, to brighten everybody's day for the smallest of moments. Alas, life is what you make it, and I intend to make it a diverse, wonderful and magical place, this sometimes may be achieved by illegal means such as drugs and under-age drinking. It may however be achieved by more simple means such as good friends, good in-jokes and pleasures of the flesh (female of course).

I'm also going to the Man United Vs West Ham game tomorrow, even though I support neither. However I am going because of young Mr. Joseph's birthday which is on Wednesday.

Onwards!!

Hmm..

Everybody seems to be in a good mood at the moment, and I'm really rather enjoying it. It makes a wonderful and interesting change to the usual problems and bitchiness of people's usual moods. If you are reading this you are in for a wonderful bumper super edition, thou shalt describe the weeks events as they unfolded.

The start of the week was pretty fun. We went to watch The Wolfman, We saw Vicky waiting for a bus and stole all of Tom's sweets so he shouted at us. The day after (Tuesday I think) me and Joe went to Liverpool which is always fun and I've probably previously described on here. 

Thursday I think I went out with Sarah which is always interesting, we only went round the oaks and back to mine though nothing special. However, it is always fun to hang out with people that are so nice and friendly. Friday night was awesome, I have to say I'm not an accomplished enough DJ to play a flawless set every time I go out and perform. Therefore it's a really amazing feeling when I go out there and absolutely kill a set. It's also really nice when people actually show some appreciation, about 5 people offered to buy me a drink afterwards , I declined them all of course.  

Today has been pretty OK as well, I've helped to paint the hall, landing and stairs, sadly in green though. All because mum has decided she can't afford the house when I escape to uni, meaning she is going to buy a house with Martin, Sam and the children, conveniently with no space for Andy. Also it will probably be in Elton, which I suppose is a bonus, it means I never have to really return to Ellesmere Port ever again.

Keep on poppin', lockin' and polka dottin'!

Hola..

Sorry guys I haven't posted in what seems like forever. I sincerely apologise for this.

A fair few things have happened to me since the last post. Not all of which have been pleasant, my Grandad is in hospital which is quite a lot rubbish. Hopefully he will be fine and dandy soon enough though. Anyway onto positive events, went to watch The Wolfman last night. It wasn't that good really, but if you enjoy films with lots of jumpy bits in then it's one for you.

Me and Joe went to Liverpool today, which is always an event. There always seems to be an abundance of very beautiful young women wandering the merry streets of Liverpool. Also none of which pay any attention to me in any way unfortunately. They might as well be a different species. I bought some new pants though and a t shirt, both from H&M of course.

I'm unsure what to do for the rest of the week. Please send any suggestions on a postcard to 150, Newnham Drive, Ellesmere Port, CH65 5AL.

See you next Tuesday.

I'm..

No Superman.

I wish people would understand I can't be on top form and be super happy and doing super work constantly. Sometimes I'm going to be a bit sad or not in the mood to do something to the same standard as I usually would.  Sometimes I will be in a weird mood, and 99% of people are going to be able to do nothing about it. The thing I've noticed is usually it's the 99% who always ask me about it. The 1% however don't even mention it, they know I'm having a DJ diva moment and try to sort me out, but they never ever make a fuss, and for that I thank them. I'm aware I don't say that enough, so I'm making a point of saying it now.

Roll on.

It's..

All right, it's OK, I got the time but the time don't pay.

Sorry I haven't really wrote much recently, and for this I apologise to my fan. In my defence my internet has been being a rebellious so and so, meaning I haven't really been able to stay online for more than about 10 minutes at a time.

Recently I've realised that when I'm about to do/say something stupid there's a voice in my head going "ANDY YOU GIGANTIC PENIS! STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP! NOOOOOOOOOOO" but as the voice is saying these things I tend to be committing the very offence it is trying to prevent me from doing. Also I have discovered this voice only gets quieter when I drink causing me to have less and less restraint.

That is all for now.

Ahh fuck it.

Chocolate..

Flavoured brioche is a taste sensation! There are also several remixes of "Ellie Goulding - Starry Eyed" that are a musical sensation but I lack the willpower to put them up so Youtube that crap or something.

Today was fun, I realised that in year 11 everybody fancied me at some point. That was a fun discovery, also a confidence boost. We also had a fun biology lesson with sexy biology Sarah teaching us and talking about cleavage and various other sexually intriguing words.

Parent's evening tomorrow, I'll let you all know how it goes, I'll be fine though I know what they'll say.

Onward!

So..

Today has been the most uneventful day in a long while. Apart from being called a "gay bastard" and apparently having a "pinny", all those insults are of course provided by the wonderful year 8 pupils and my wonderful school. 

Everybody wasn't in a very good mood today, and to be honest it got me down by the end of the day as well. Several people weren't too happy as they had a geography exam, then weren't happy after it, because they thought they hadn't done very well. A few other people just seemed a bit sort of preoccupied with some underlying serious issue. Hopefully all shall be well in the micro world of school tomorrow, and everything will be back to sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. 

I should really do some music work, I tend to be far more creative when I'm a bit sad. I also like exercising when I'm a bit sad, probably those wonderful wee endorphins, they are happy little fellows. I remember being a bit sad once when I was a child, then I went to my Nan's house and she got out her big roses tin full of sweets and let me have 2 instead of 1 because she always used to know when I was a bit down. What a truly brilliant person. She then played with my favourite toy with me, it was this old battered and paint chipped fighter plane, it had this sliding thing on the top of it that made the wheels come out when you wanted to land. I remember thinking about that day after she died and I got the plane out of a box that was going to go to the skip. It never ceases to make me smile, I guess I could do with it about now.

Hey..

It is Sunday afternoon. The weather doesn't know what it's doing, and I have Electric Light Orchestra in my head.

A fair few things are a changing these days and in the days to come I have no doubt even more changes shall happen. I think change scares quite a few people. They get used to a routine, they may not think their lives are in a routine, but they are just variations on a theme. Especially if you're from Yorkshire, where "CHANGE IS NOT GOOD!". I however, like a minority of people love change, I like new and interesting situations, they bring new and interesting people. I like to think that change changes people, and usually for the better.

Bye.

What..

Will be next? First of all they've banned shopping in Tesco whilst wearing pyjamas. I don't even wear pyjamas but if I did I'd be marching down to Tesco in my dressing gown as I type! Secondly, let us get behind the pubs, I refuse to have no place to drink in peace and quiet! I also refuse to no be able to have a pub conversation, I want to talk about who would win in a fight between a badger and a baboon or how many hedgehogs could fit in a U-boat. I refuse to let the one normal thing I can do amazingly well be taken away from me!

Today, as I do most days, I discovered something interesting. Teenage girls are just as filthy minded, if not more so, than us teenage boys who are supposed to be the height of sexual disgustingness. Apparently what they are often thinking is "how good is he in bed?" which doesn't exactly fill me with confidence, what if I'm getting bad reviews left, right and centre without actually sleeping with any of them. I could just sleep with them then they could give me a bad review, that would work for me, I don;t particularly mind being slagged off, as long as it's constructive criticism.

Au Revoir.

Well..

Where is DNA found in orgasms? The exciting and sexually intriguing world of our biology lessons. Also "loci" means positions..but not those kind of positions, apparently. Sadly we are shockingly bad at biology, probably due to our general childishness and lack of focus.

Sorry I haven't blogged in a few days, I had one all lined up and ready to go yesterday then my internet decided to stop working. Wow there's a new Barclaycard advert with a roller coaster instead of a slide.

Today I learnt a few interesting things, well one mainly. People (women) seem to "know" lots of things about me that just simply aren't true, mainly to with sexual dealing involving other women. I think most people's character traits are exaggerated in life these days. So I like to enjoy pleasures of the flesh occasionally? So I have more friends that are women than men? Does that make me a bad person? Probably. Does that make me a slag? I certainly don't think so.

Exciting.

It's a..

Lazy Sunday morning and I intend to reflect that in this blog.

I had a few mates round last night for a few drinks, we also managed to watch an entire James Bond film (Die Another Day) without any sound at all, apart from the amazing The Dead Weather.

I need to do mega revision today, I have a Biology exam tomorrow afternoon and I fear the worst will happen. Mainly due to the sheer stupidity of OCR, but nothing can be done about that. Alas I have to select a gear for my posterior and make it a high one.

I have several observations today already. Number one, muffins are pretty much the best breakfast food ever invented. Number two, Top Gear is literally on at all hours of the day.

Rave on.

Sample Mix by Stripes Go Faster!

Sample Mix  by  Stripes Go Faster!

Today..

I'm really not sure what to talk about. I had a good day today, nice and.. unstressed. Apart from a certain bowling company, that will remain nameless, deciding that although we spend about £10 in there most days our money is no longer good enough and now we aren't allowed in during school time.

I shall take this opportunity to tell you about a few music projects I will hopefully sort out in the coming weeks. Firstly, I have an interesting appearance at The Bluecoat, which is an art gallery in Liverpool. Neil Keating is a resident illustrator there and I have worked with him before, we are looking to merge my sounds with his supreme drawings in a live event in the near future.

Also, I'm hoping to play EXIT Festival this year, which is set in the amazing grounds of a fortress in Serbia and last year played host to the likes of Arctic Monkeys, The Prodigy, Grandmaster Flash, Lily Allen, Fake Blood and Manic Street Preachers. This year the line-up already includes Crystal Castles and Does It Offend You, Yeah? I just have to send a sample of my work to them and see what they think.

I like to think this will be a big summer for me musically.

Fingers crossed, eh?

I..

Think I've made my mind up. I think, we shall see if I change my mind in the near future, I need to discuss it with a few people whose opinion I value pretty highly. I also think I've made my peace with LIPA. They don't want me, I'm over it.

On to today's events. I had the most shockingly dull biology practical exam in the history of biology practical exams. It took 2 hours to do, and an hour and a half of it was waiting. Unbelievable Jeff! As the great curly haired and porn 'tached Chris Kamara would say. I also had the joy of being pretty much beaten up by Vicky, and not even in an erotic way. All because I said she flashed her boobs.

Today I learnt something new about myself, I actually love catching people checking me out, don't you? They try and act all nonchalant and look away but you know and they know you know precisely what they were doing. It's also a great confidence boost, lets you know you're half decent looking and that. So I often find it brightens my day, therefore I think we should all try and check each other out all the time so we are all nice and confidence boosted.

Spicy beef = Good!

Salty beef = Baaad!

You'll

Miss me when I'm gone.

Everybody keeps asking me "What are you going to do now?", referring to me not getting into LIPA. To tell the truth I have no idea what I'm going to do, I could go to Chester University, even though it's an hour and a half away on the train. I could go and do Music Technology at College, or get a job and become a superstar DJ all by myself. Lets face it, who needs a degree? Although I would very much like one, it doesn't look like very many people are willing to give me one, or a degree.

Time to eat, revise and exercise I think. Before I go though, let me leave you with this business thought, Crack4Gold..Act now before the crack rush ends!!

It's..

Been a while, and for that I apologise to my one whole reader. I have been rather distracted/mortified over the past couple of days.

I'll fill you in on some background first. My last week involved these things: Getting into a fight, drinking 25 cans of Strongbow, drinking 4 pints of Strongbow, drinking 5 pints of Bulmers, drinking numerous shots of spirits, drawing an Otter in a thong, saying the words "have you ever stroked a Gibbon?", loosing to Tom 3 times in pool, beating Tom 5 times in pool, laughing at various sea animal noises, getting laid, breaking a laptop, getting a new laptop, getting rejected from LIPA, doing two exams, chipping my tooth, being killed by ice and very nearly setting myself on fire amongst other things.

The combination of all these things have left me quite bitter, and for that I am sorry to everybody that has had the delight of speaking to me in recent days.

It's back!!

Quote of the Day

Joe: Clunge.

Terri-Ann: I need a wee.

Live long and prosper!

Down..

But not out.

On A..

Scale of one to five..

My laptop is kindly telling me that my hard drive is going to fail soon..Lovely. Sorry there was no post yesterday, I spent my time at the pub instead drinking away my money with that rarest of creatures, McCabe. It was super quiet in there though, it was quite scary, after 10 past 10 we were the only people left, there was more staff than customers.

Anyway, onwards to today, how was everybody's day? I spoke to quite a few people today, and to be honest the majority of them were quite nice, which is rare these days! All in all a good school day. I am, however on my own until about half 10 tonight, so if anybody fancies coming round for a drink then feel free. All guests are welcome unless you have some hideous and highly contagious flesh eating disease, then I'm sorry you'll have to drink outside.

All aboard the showboat..TOOT TOOOT!